Underrated Animated Movies

Seriously, they don't they make them like they used to.

This is Justin. He is a cartoon character from one a 1982 movie called The Rats of Nimh. Yes, 1982. (What can I say? I have classic tastes.) But Justin isn't just any old animated rat, you see. HE WAS CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD OF THE RATS OF NIMH. His smooth-talkin' and sword-brandishin' made my seven-year old heart swoon.

Seriously, this movie was bomb. And Justin ended up being my first crush. I was so infatuated with this rat that I was INTENT on marrying a man named Justin. I didn't even care what he looked like SO LONG AS HIS FREAKING NAME WAS JUSTIN. In fact, I distinctly remember being so sad that none of the boys in second-grade were named Justin. One day, I crept into one of the third-grade rooms. It was the beginning of the year, and all the kids' names were posted on the wall next to their pictures. One of the boys was named Dustin.

"Close," I said quietly to myself. "But no cigar."

Aladdin wannabe? Maybe. But awesome nonetheless.

"WHAT do you think I was doing with ze flowers and ze alligators going CHOMP CHOMP?!"

Nothing screams 90's like Macualay Culkin and Christopher Lloyd.

Goes without saying.

Hippie brainwashing? Maybe.

If this movie doesn't make you cry, you have no soul.

"Big and Loud." One of the best animated movie songs ever. YouTube it.

When I found out that there was actually a MAN named Rodney Dangerfield, it blew my mind.

And here you were thinking Robert Downey Jr. was the "original."

So good. It's just so good.

Dork Penguin wins the love of Babe Penguin, but Bro Penguin tries to get in the way of their marriage. Did I mention the killer seals? (As if you needed more reasons to watch this movie.)

The granddaddy of them all. Don Bluth's masterpiece.

Long before internet trolls existed, there was this gem.

Look me in the eye and tell me you haven't memorized the lyrics to "Stand Out" and "Eye to Eye".

All I remember about this movie is that there was some scene where a goblin picked his nose and then rolled the booger into a little ball and flicked it. Made me cringe every time.

Music by Barry Manilow. I mean, what more could you ask for in a film.

 . . . wow, I watched a freaking ton of TV as a kid.

Men Say the Darndest Things

I bought a new curling iron tonight. A 1-incher instead of a 1.5-incher. I curled my hair with it, and--just for kicks--parted my hair down the center instead of on the side like I normally do. I asked Brock if he liked it.

His reaction?

"Wow! That really makes you look like a woman!"

***

I thought the only ways I could appear more womanly to my husband would be to either bear children or get a boob job. Either way, I just saved myself thousands of dollars!

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T COMMENT ON MY BLOG:

you are lame creepers.

Marriage Lesson #295

When your husband sends you a text from the shower saying "How about you come up and join me? The water's nice... :)" it is NOT a good idea to sneakily enter the bathroom and punch through the shower curtain Psycho-style.

He will NOT think it's funny.

It will NOT turn him on (even if you are standing there naked when he rips open the curtain in a frantic huff).

It will SOUR a perfectly enjoyable Saturday night.

Trust me on this one.

Dear Brett Favre:

What were you thinking?

You know that there are some things that just don't photograph well, don't you?

Just because men like pictures of boobies doesn't mean we like pictures of . . . you know. So what if you're one of the most iconic players in the NFL? IT. DOES. NOT. MATTER. There is a reason why Pope Pius the IX went and knocked off all the deedle-dees of the statues in the Vatican: they ain't pretty to look at. Even the most beautiful man of all time--Michaelangelo's David--would have been a little easier on the eyes had he covered his hmm-hmm with a fig leaf or something.

P.S. Maybe if you quit making passes at women, you'd actually be able to complete some during games.

1:34 AM

A delicate October breeze seeps through the bedroom window--a silent lullaby. I watch his chest rise and fall, rise and fall, rise and fall. He sleeps beautifully, quietly, as I’m sure he did twenty-five years ago in his mother’s arms.

I hold him close, as I’m sure his mother did, and wonder what he’s dreaming of, as I’m sure his mother did, and my heart bursts with love, as I’m sure his mother’s did, and I send God a thousand praises, a thousand thanks, as I’m sure his mother did.

Just Call Me Sherlock

You see that nasty weedy-looking thing? Sorry to disappoint, Boulder friends: I'm not growing marijuana. It's mint that I planted in my herb garden last year. Mint takes on a life of its own for years after you plant it. It seriously NEVER DIES. Like some Bionic Herb from the Garden of Hades.

Said herb has been a source of deep frustration for me all summer as I have tried, unsuccessfully, to pull out its roots on multiple occasions. I have broken nails, destroyed the abodes of countless roly polies, been grasshoppered (IN THE FACE), and maybe said a swear word or two. Or three. Or . . . yeah.

Finally, as I was walking around Home Depot one day, I happened upon some weed killer.

Problem: Solved.

Yeah, that only took me four months to figure out.

I Don't Know Why I Buy Fruit

Every couple weeks, I go to Sam's Club and load up on grapes, apples, strawberries, kiwis, bananas, raspberries, clementines, and maybe blueberries if they're on sale. Look at all that color in my cart! I praise myself. I am a healthy, responsible adult who takes care of her body!

Except there's one problem. Whenever I open the refrigerator door--with all of those glorious reds, blues, yellows, oranges and greens beckoning me with their nutritious abundance--I just can't shake the feeling that all I really want to eat is cereal.

Brock ends up eating all the fruit. Last night he finished off the raspberries and strawberries in a big bowl. I had a frosty from Wendy's.

In other news: We're out of Frosted Mini-Wheats. And Cinnamon Life.

The Double Life

One of the reasons why I love trail running is that it makes me feel like I lead a double life. During the day I work at my desk job, do all my homework like a good little girl, and tidy up the house when I get home. But after all that is done? I'm a heathen running half-naked through the woods. Panting, dirty, sweaty, my footfalls disturbing the peace of the mountains. I like that.

Yesterday, in the weekly meeting that all the American Heritage TAs have, the professor was talking about his experience at the St. George Marathon this past weekend. He told us his time. Another TA told us his marathon time. (Both Brock and I have run marathons significantly faster than both of them). They both talked about how badly they wanted to run Boston. (Brock and I already have.) Everyone agreed that marathoners are crazy. Nobody knew that I'd just run a 50-miler three weeks prior. Nobody knows that my husband--who is so not built for long-distance running--has run a 2:53 marathon.

And they still don't. Most people who know Brock and I don't know any of this. Running has never and will never be a glory sport, because most successes to be had in running are largely personal ones. But I like that. It's fun having something that truly defines me as a person, that I consider to be a part of my very essence, yet having there be relatively few people who actually know about it. And even fewer people who "get it."

Move over, Sydney Bristow. 

Kiana, The Ugly Phase, And Me

My little sister, Kiana, insists that she's the only person who reads my blog and that, accordingly, I should devote an entire post to her awesomeness.

Things About Kiana That Rock:

1. Don't be fooled by the blonde hair! Kiki is really intelligent
2. She's an awesome clogger
3. Fantastic singer
4. Has a great sense of humor
5. Great actress! I'm so sad I haven't been able to come to any of her plays :(
6. Her fashion sense is tres chic!
7. She's undoubtedly the kindest person I know
8. She never excludes anybody and makes everyone feel so good about themselves
9. She's great at doing her own makeup and hair
10. Awesome older sister to Caden and Connor
11. Awesome younger sister to everyone else!
12. She's the daughter my mother always wishes she had . . .

My mom always wanted a Kiana. But, as they say, you can't know the sweet until you've tasted the bitter, so instead she got me. The girl who hated wearing bras (TO MY CREDIT: My mother bought me 32AAAAAAs when I needed 34AAAAAAs), who thought acne was "cool" ("Everybody has it!"), who literally didn't think about matching her clothes until eighth grade when a friend made an offhand comment about matching, who wore neon green eyeshadow in family pictures . . .

Oh, people. The list goes on. But my dear mother stuck through it and was rewarded with a daughter who has glided over The Ugly Phase like a ballerina through the air. Things weren't always so dire for me, however. I did have the occasional shining moment where I was more photogenic than Kiana.

This, unfortunately, was not the norm. Kiana won the cuteness game time and time again.

Here below is Kiana at age 14 (she's the blonde). Note the perfectly coiffed hair, trendy Hollister attire, confident pose, and bright smile.

This is me at 14.

It was before a ballet recital. I think I kind of look like a velociraptor.

Exhibit B: My 13th birthday party. My mom thought it would be fun for us to have a girls' night and do mud masks. Becky and I thought it would be fun to put raisins in our teeth and look demented in said masks.

Kiana, I love you so, so much. Mom, I'm glad you're finally happy.

Awesome Ish

A conglomeration of awesome ish that I have run into both in person and on the internetz recently . . .

Watching the colors change on Y Mountain.

I have a class on the fourth floor of the Clyde (engineering) Building and came across this on my way out of class. I busted up laughing in the middle of the hallway. 

My bro/sis-in-law delivered us a batch of awesome homemade cookies. One of which was shaped like . . . a moose. Or at least that's what Ryan told me it was supposed to look like. (For me, it bears a striking resemblance to the Quizno's spongemonkeys). In any case, it made me laugh SO HARD.

I WANT TO BE THIS LADY.

And finally, the awesomest ish I've seen all week . . .

First, watch 60 seconds of this (the original) video:

Now, watch the slowed-down, unintentionally seductive version.

You're welcome.